I crave the decapitation

Of the disembodied voices

I crave the ability

To handle the pressures

Of my daily life

I crave companionship

From those who know

How badly I struggle

Knowing I no longer

Have the fix I needed

To get through

The aggravation

Plaguing a traumatized mind

I crave the harmony felt

From social media profiles

Merely providing the illusion

Of fulfillment

I crave the desire

To not withdraw from society

With the same force

I withdrew from those fucking pills

I crave the understanding

Of other recovering addicts

I crave the ability

To manage the chaos

I crave the desire to actually

Get my damn life together

I crave adulthood

After a long stretch

Of drugs stunting my growth

I crave the peace

Which came with

Denying myself

To experience it

Without drugs

I crave not echoing

The violent waves

Beckoning me

To unleash

Bloodcurdling screams

I crave understanding

After drugs dimmed

Whatever kind of

Self-awareness

I once possessed

And struggle to keep

Every time

I see a benzo

-Jacob R. Moses