I’ve followed the Eurovision Song Contest
for two of the seven decades since it aired throughout Europe. They try to keep politics
out of the contest and fail every time.
Every! Single! Freaking! Time!

In 1961, Jean Claude Pascal wrote a song coded in forbidden homosexual male love.
This was the first win for Luxembourg.

In 1965, France Gall sang a song with
sexual innuendos. She was a teenager.
This was Luxembourg’s second win.

In 1969, there were four winners: Spain,
United Kingdom, France, and The Netherlands. There was no tiebreaker.

In 1978, Israel won the contest after
participating for five years. Jordan
subsequently stopped airing the contest.
Izhar Cohen was the representative
defending their title with Gali Atari in 1979.

In 1998, Dana International, a transgender singer, won the contest for Israel. The
Haredi community was in an uproar.

In 2001, Tanel Padar won the contest for
Estonia, the first time a former Soviet
republic won, emblematic of freedom

In 2008, Verka Serduchka performed
a song representing Ukraine condemning
the government of Russia, in German, English, and Ukranian. It placed second.

In 2011, Homens de Luta represented Portugal. Their song was about
struggling to stay happy amid austerity.
The were eliminated in the first semifinal.

In 2014, Conchita Wurst won the contest for Austria. He was dressed in an evening gown
while donning a full neatly-trimmed beard.
Turkey consequently withdrew over it.

In 2015, Genealogy represented Armenia.
Their song was made to connect
and address the genocide of 1915.
All but one native Armenian were descendants of the diaspora.
They came in sixteenth place.

In 2016, Jamala, a Crimean Tatar singer, won the contest for Ukraine. It was a
song about the Russian state sponsored
deportation of the Crimean Tatars
in the titular year, “1944.”

In 2019, Hatari, a heavy metal band, represented Iceland. They flew
Palestinian flags to protest Israel
as the host country. They came in tenth.

In 2021, Konstrakta represented Serbia. Her
song was about struggling to stay healthy
during the COVID-19 pandemic. Her performance involved compulsive handwashing and drying while
singing in Serbian and Latin.
She came in fifth place.

In the same year, Russia was banned
for its rogue state status and
brutality against Ukraine.
Ukraine’s Kalush won that year with
a record number of points awarded
by the televote in solidarity.

In 2024, Eden Golan represented Israel
and was booed mercilessly for her
song referencing October 7th.
She came in fifth amid the backlash.

In 2026, Nemo, Eurovision’s first non-binary winner from 2024, representing Switzerland,
returned their trophy to boycott Israel.

In that same year, five countries pulled out
of the contest due to Israel’s participation.
They refused to even air the contest.
Despite Noam Bettan being greeted with
boos and pro-Palestinian chants calling for
ending genocide, Israel placed second.
Bulgaria won by a larger margin.

Politics in Eurovision sneaks in
like minors with fake identification.

There is no escaping politics
in Eurovision. It’s origins were
In fact very political.

It was started
to bring in unity
after WWII.

As we approach Armageddon
the confluence of sound
and the uniting force of music
will bring us back together
as a temporary respite
before civilization collapses
and the choir of angels
ringing in the apocalypse
sings, Hallelujah, as
we reach our own
private Waterloo.

Volare! Oh oh!

Cantare! Oh oh!